Assuming

Assuming never gets us anywhere, now does it? I started out my day good, I've been working on crocheting all day. I've got three different projects in the works. Two of them are gifts, and I guess... the third one is too. I've decided that I'm working on a project for a homeless shelter. I'd like to make a bunch of blankets, but I don't know if I'll have the time to make a lot of those. Another thing I'm going to make are scarves. They're actually the only two things I know how to make. I worry about it, only because my arm. I've got tendinitis in my forearm, and it flares up when I'm working so much on this kind of thing. But I like to do it. It calms me.

But I took a break, and went looking around the internet. And I stumbled across something by accident. And I have to say, I'm pretty sure I hurt someone's feelings.

I'm pretty sure that he knows I didn't do to intentionally hurt feelings. In all actuality, I think it was more that I made him feel bad, therefore, his feelings were hurt with what I said to him. It wasn't bad by any means. No, it was me. Genuinely honest, and straight from the heart. I reread what I wrote, and honestly... it made me feel good that I was brave enough to say something once and for all.

And that's why I have been assuming all day. It hurt my heart. Literally, it felt like an ache. It passed, because I realized that I can't worry about how I made him feel. He didn't care how he made me feel, now did he?

But it's one of those things that makes me feel like... trust the gut feeling, and know that the closure will come. In time. Not today, or tomorrow... but in time. And I'm okay with that.

Kinda.

I sent another email today. It kind of surprised me actually. It was a man that I had met some time ago. I think it was 2003. When Josh Todd had his solo project. (I tell ya, I've been a Buckcherry fan for years, but this cd... beats all of them. Those boys were talented. They probably still are ;) ) I had attempted to contact his guitarist last year. I had thought he'd help me with a few issues I was having, when I got to town. It didnt' go so well, and I realized I was kind of a bitch to him.

So ... when I was going through one email account, and I actually found the email he sent me with his phone number... I wrote him an email. Actually, an apology.

Will he respond? No. But at least I'll feel better. I actually was listening to the Josh Todd cd today, with my headphones, and I realized how awesome that sounded. Those guys... got royally screwed by a lead singer with an ego. I love Josh, but damn... that whole thing just makes me look at him different. Even now.

I don't know what my point was. I just wanted to write somewhere... because... this whole thing is just baffling to me sometimes. And now's one of those times.