Broken

You know that song, by Seether with Amy Lewis? I used to joke around that I liked broken people, until I realized... it's not joking when it's the truth.

I realized my last "crush" was because I had found him in a lot of ways, to be broken. I wanted answers to be able to let things go. Do I think he's broken anymore? No, but something tells me, he's not a very nice man if you don't fit into his catagories.

I could be wrong, after all, I only have assumptions to go on here. He could be perfect in every way.
(Shyeah.)

So, with that in mind, why does it still bother me that he's ignored me for a month? After all, it was only a crush. It wasn't like it was going to grow into this great romance. We were only supposed to go to the movies.

It's not normal to get that attached to someone you've never even met, is it? But looking back, it's what I've always done. It's always much easier to like someone you know realistically you don't have a chance with, even becoming friends with, because you've already set yourself up for rejection. And you know you're going to be rejected right from the start.

But this time, it wasn't like that. Because he actually said yes. And when he wanted to do stuff, he had picked the worst possible week EVER. And because of that... I'm being punished. My broken car. Missing each other on Saturday. It was just bad timing. But... now, I'm being punished.

After talking to a friend of mine, and her "obsession", I realize that I need to just let this go. But is it me, or do you find it harder to drop things if there's no closure to them too? I know that's the only reason I'm still thinking about it. Because I didn't get to explain that his email went into the junk box in my mail email, and I didn't find it there for a whole day. He thought I was blowing him off, so... yeah, I didn 't even get to explain that. All he knows is he said yes to me, and when it was arranged for a day, I blew him off.

Sucks when you can't explain yourself, and it is really something that simple. I guess the point is now... maybe he's not the broken one, maybe I've been the one broken through out the years. Knowing what I shouldn't do, so I do it anyway.

I don't know. I need to let it go, but... it's hard when I hear him five days a week. Sure, I could turn him off, but... no. No, I can't. He's been my source of entertainment for a year now. I can't turn him off.

I hate the drama I create within myself.