It's Official

I've given up. I told myself I'd give it one more shot. That I did. And not even being acknowledged that I asked a question, I take that as a no. Which is fine. Honestly, I hate being ignored more than anything else. So, yeah. I give up. Not that I really expected anything. But... it would have been nice to just get it over and done with. I had these adrenaline highs for two weeks now, and when I ended up hitting the bottom, it was nothing but a low. And that was too much of a roller coaster for me.

It just makes me feel like such an idiot. Probably because it felt like so many other situations in my life through out the years. That right there should tell me to just let go. But, it's that old habit of giving a crap that really keeps me holding on. Or is it hope that it might be acceptance once and for all?

Yeah, the more I've been thinking about it, the more I think that's what it is exactly. I say I don't care, but I know what my heart feels like when I get rejected over and over again. I do care. And I hate it.

But ... it's another lesson I've learned, and need to pick myself up and dust myself off... AGAIN. It wasn't like this was going to be anything but hanging out. It wasn't a date. It wasn't going to be anything but hanging out. I know that, but I think I got so excited at the thought of having someone to go to the movies with .... Yeah, really, that's what it was.

But whatever. Officially done. I hope you never hear me talk about it again. I hope I never talk about it again. It will only remind me of how stupid I have been. Yet again.

If that makes any sense at all.