I don't get it. This is going to be short blog for now, because my head's about to pop. But I have to say one thing.
He knew who I was. He said my name when we first met and Leslee looked at me with a look of shock on her face, that I was feeling in my head. So, I think I'm right when I suspect my blog's being read.
But anyway...
It just shocked me. Big time.
I'll tell ya more about it later, but I am finally going to go check out my cable. Later.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Stuff. Sorry, no clever title today.
Tonight's the night. Lots of things going on today after work. I want to stop off and see if I can find a new shirt. Honestly, that's at the back of the list, but I'd like to look. I have to open a new bank account after the whole customer service issue I had with the bank I have now.
Customer service. I'm losing faith in a lot of it. Maybe that's why I'm so sugary when I'm on the phone. I know what's out there, and if I can be one person that stands out in someone's mind, by God, I'm going to be that person.
I had so much nonsense I was dealing with the other day, trying to get a deposit straightened out. I talked to 6 people, and not one of them spoke English as a first language. All of them, and I do mean ALL of them, were from the Phillipenes. And it just got me frustrated, because not one of them understood why I was upset. (They refused my deposit. Yet, couldn't tell me what was wrong with this one, and what was right with the first two that went through.)
I finally gave up after I asked to speak with a supervisor and got disconnected. I sent them an email telling them how upset I was with my customer service. I got a response all right.
It was copied and pasted. So obviously cut and pasted, which pissed me off even more! I responded to that, if you can't treat me like a human, don't bother. The account has not been cancelled yet, because I need my direct deposit to hit on next Friday for my trip. But trust me, when I come back from Vegas, it's first on my to do list. I'm actually going to be setting up a new account today.
No wonder the country's going to hell in a handbasket. Companies would rather outsource to other countries, than to give jobs to their own people. All to save a buck. One thing I'd like to see our new president do, is put a stop to that. Make these companies stay here! Or tax the hell out of them. Will he, I don't know. I don't normally follow politics, but this has been weighing on my mind so much lately.
Makes my stomach turn a bit actually.
But let's not start this wonderful Friday with this stuff. It will depress me and I'll stay in that mood all day. And it's a good day.
I don't want to sound like I don't care. I do. But when I can't fix it myself, it bothers me. That's why I don't normally talk about that stuff. I do what I can though. Or I try to anyway.
On my scarve project, I'm at 35 or 36. I can't remember. I didn't get to work on much last night, because I had to concentrate on cleaning my apartment last night. Cable guy's coming, but more importantly, Mom's coming. She's going to hang out and take care of that for me. So, the cleaning was more for her. She'll be happy to see full cupboards I think.
I'm making a cd for Kristian. I'm not sure that she'll like it. It's Josh Todd and Slamhound. Pre and Post Buckcherry stuff. Well, post old Buckcherry stuff. Josh did a solo thing when Buckcherry broke up before. Honestly, I love that stuff more than I love Buckcherry stuff. I used to have so much fun when I followed that band. Fun times.
And I'm going to make Melanie Sevendust. I'm pretty sure she won't appreciate them the way I do, but...
I love sharing my music because I feel like I'm giving people a gift. And this way, it doesn't force my tunes on them. They can decide if they like it or not, and if they don't... at least I tried, right? :)
I really am not up for the day. I wish I could've slept a little longer. Someone might want to check in with me around 7ish, to make sure I'm still breathing. And I'm semi sober. :)
It's going to be a good day. And an even better night, right?
Yeah, that's what I'll be telling myself ALLLLL DAY.
Customer service. I'm losing faith in a lot of it. Maybe that's why I'm so sugary when I'm on the phone. I know what's out there, and if I can be one person that stands out in someone's mind, by God, I'm going to be that person.
I had so much nonsense I was dealing with the other day, trying to get a deposit straightened out. I talked to 6 people, and not one of them spoke English as a first language. All of them, and I do mean ALL of them, were from the Phillipenes. And it just got me frustrated, because not one of them understood why I was upset. (They refused my deposit. Yet, couldn't tell me what was wrong with this one, and what was right with the first two that went through.)
I finally gave up after I asked to speak with a supervisor and got disconnected. I sent them an email telling them how upset I was with my customer service. I got a response all right.
It was copied and pasted. So obviously cut and pasted, which pissed me off even more! I responded to that, if you can't treat me like a human, don't bother. The account has not been cancelled yet, because I need my direct deposit to hit on next Friday for my trip. But trust me, when I come back from Vegas, it's first on my to do list. I'm actually going to be setting up a new account today.
No wonder the country's going to hell in a handbasket. Companies would rather outsource to other countries, than to give jobs to their own people. All to save a buck. One thing I'd like to see our new president do, is put a stop to that. Make these companies stay here! Or tax the hell out of them. Will he, I don't know. I don't normally follow politics, but this has been weighing on my mind so much lately.
Makes my stomach turn a bit actually.
But let's not start this wonderful Friday with this stuff. It will depress me and I'll stay in that mood all day. And it's a good day.
I don't want to sound like I don't care. I do. But when I can't fix it myself, it bothers me. That's why I don't normally talk about that stuff. I do what I can though. Or I try to anyway.
On my scarve project, I'm at 35 or 36. I can't remember. I didn't get to work on much last night, because I had to concentrate on cleaning my apartment last night. Cable guy's coming, but more importantly, Mom's coming. She's going to hang out and take care of that for me. So, the cleaning was more for her. She'll be happy to see full cupboards I think.
I'm making a cd for Kristian. I'm not sure that she'll like it. It's Josh Todd and Slamhound. Pre and Post Buckcherry stuff. Well, post old Buckcherry stuff. Josh did a solo thing when Buckcherry broke up before. Honestly, I love that stuff more than I love Buckcherry stuff. I used to have so much fun when I followed that band. Fun times.
And I'm going to make Melanie Sevendust. I'm pretty sure she won't appreciate them the way I do, but...
I love sharing my music because I feel like I'm giving people a gift. And this way, it doesn't force my tunes on them. They can decide if they like it or not, and if they don't... at least I tried, right? :)
I really am not up for the day. I wish I could've slept a little longer. Someone might want to check in with me around 7ish, to make sure I'm still breathing. And I'm semi sober. :)
It's going to be a good day. And an even better night, right?
Yeah, that's what I'll be telling myself ALLLLL DAY.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Random Ramblings for a fine Thursday!
I admit that I don't post so many blogs here. Out of habit, I post on myspace. A habit I'm looking to change, in all honesty. I always try to start conversations, and even though I get a few comments, no one ever wants to converse.
Not that I have the worlds greatest conversation starters, but at least I would think that there are things to go off of. I guess it's just me, I'm frustrated these days. Serves me right for trying to expand my horizons I suppose.
I've been making scarves. Now this is something I talk about because I'm proud of, not something I'm telling you about to comment on. (Really. :) ) Where I work, is doing a collection for the homeless shelter. One day, I was looking at my bin of yarn, and it occurred to me that I could do something for them. I don't have a lot of money, but I have been thinking I needed to contribute somewhere. I've got almost 35 done. And there are so many colors, because now I also have this addiction to buy yarn when I have $$. I can honestly say though, that the scarf project will be going on the back burner for awhile though. I have to hand them in on the 18th. And I have 35 scarves I need to tuck the ends of the yarn in yet. I had a goal of 50, but I'm not going to kill myself to do it, but I think I will get at least 40 done. And who knows, there's still a week left .... Wish me luck!
I've got other crocheting projects I'd like to embark on. Ann and AJ are having a baby boy, and I want to make them a baby blanket. Kellie's due at the end of February, and I want to make her one too. And then... I'd really, really like to make one for Colleen. She said something when she seen the one I made Lindsey, about having one to put in her daughter's hope chest. So I'd really like to do that for her. Because she wouldn't expect it.
She's awesome, that lady. One of the most amazing people I've ever met. It's rare that I can say that I've met someone that makes my life brighter by just being in it, but she's one of those kinds of people. Never a negative thing to say, and can turn anything positive. I want to be more like her. I really, truly do.
One thing about that though, I'll never be with my headbanging ways. But all the other ways, I sure can be! :)
Speaking of headbanging, I have quite the busy month ahead of me! :)
This month, well, next week actually, I'm meeting my friend Colette in Las Vegas. We're going to see Papa Roach at the Hard Rock. (Yay!) For those just meeting me, after Cruefest this summer, I had quite the obsession with Jacoby Shaddix (their singer). The trip was a complete fluke. I was talking to Colette, joking, and some how... we're going to Vegas now!
That's how most of our road trips came about though, one suggests. The other is all about it. So much, that both of us are so excited about it, that the only way to shut up about it, is just to go. That's how I've seen half the country, and how I ended up in Canada.
I'm really looking forward to that.
Also coming up...
Next month, Sevendust/Disturbed. That's January 21. I have to laugh, because I found out about that show when Kristian called me up and told me about it.
The really awesome thing about that one, I got to return the favor. Saving Abel/Papa Roach/Buckcherry/Avenged Sevenfold. January 28.
In all honesty, I'm very glad to be a part of the second show. I'm excited about the first one, don't get me wrong. It's just we'd been talking about Avenged for. ... well, since I've been talking to her! I used to LOVE Buckcherry. So much that I chased them all over the country. But I'm more excited to see Avenged. (I know there's a shorter way to write it, but I'm not the fan she is. Sorry, Kristian!)
And then we have Adele in there too. But she's going to be mellow. So mellow. It kind of makes me laugh to think how she's in the middle of those two.
For awhile there, I felt like I had stepped out of my body, and was just going through the motions. I was not feeling like myself by any means. But in the last month or so, I've been feeling more like me than I have in years. I can't begin to tell you how I'm so happy to be getting that back. I've missed all of these things about me. I hated being so down all the time, and being so ... negative. I hated that I hadn't felt like myself in YEARS.
But it seems to be coming back, and this makes me so happy! Not that I'm there, by any means, but ... I'm getting there. My love of music's coming back. I love concerts. More than anything else in the world, I love concerts. And for a long time, that had left. I know I blame the music scene I was involved in when I lived in Milwaukee, because there were some nasty people I'd been involved with. And I held onto that for much too long.
I didn't think I'd ever get this back, and it makes me feel ... so much better that it's back. I honestly can tell you that there's no way I'd ever be able to do it like I used to. In the car every weekend, going somewhere, to see someone. But... I'll enjoy what comes to me, that much I'll tell you. :) And Vegas isn't just about a concert. It's about seeing my best friend. We haven't hung out for a while, and ... I think we both need that. However, I have no desire to go to a club like she does! Two nights there, and that's not how I want to spend one of them.
Tomorrow's going to be an interesting day. Full moon. And I'm going to see that guy's band that's mentioned in my other blogs. The only part of the night I'm looking forward to is hanging out with my new friend. But I'm not looking forward to the rest. Which hopefully will end up meaning it's a great night. But the more I think about it, the more paranoid I'm getting. It's for the Utah Food Bank, and it occurred to me, that there are 2 men right off the bat there that are complete assholes, and just might start making comments when they see a girl my size come in. And if they do, that's just going to RIP my heart out. Not to mention, all the other drunk people I'll be around.
I'm just nervous now. It's my first night out to a bar since I've been here. To see smaller bands. I haven't done this since Milwaukee. And ... I'm worried. I'm a wussy in so many ways now, you have no idea.
Wish me luck, I am really sure I'm going to need it.
With that being said, it's time for me to get ready for work. See you tomorrow, and thanks for reading.
Not that I have the worlds greatest conversation starters, but at least I would think that there are things to go off of. I guess it's just me, I'm frustrated these days. Serves me right for trying to expand my horizons I suppose.
I've been making scarves. Now this is something I talk about because I'm proud of, not something I'm telling you about to comment on. (Really. :) ) Where I work, is doing a collection for the homeless shelter. One day, I was looking at my bin of yarn, and it occurred to me that I could do something for them. I don't have a lot of money, but I have been thinking I needed to contribute somewhere. I've got almost 35 done. And there are so many colors, because now I also have this addiction to buy yarn when I have $$. I can honestly say though, that the scarf project will be going on the back burner for awhile though. I have to hand them in on the 18th. And I have 35 scarves I need to tuck the ends of the yarn in yet. I had a goal of 50, but I'm not going to kill myself to do it, but I think I will get at least 40 done. And who knows, there's still a week left .... Wish me luck!
I've got other crocheting projects I'd like to embark on. Ann and AJ are having a baby boy, and I want to make them a baby blanket. Kellie's due at the end of February, and I want to make her one too. And then... I'd really, really like to make one for Colleen. She said something when she seen the one I made Lindsey, about having one to put in her daughter's hope chest. So I'd really like to do that for her. Because she wouldn't expect it.
She's awesome, that lady. One of the most amazing people I've ever met. It's rare that I can say that I've met someone that makes my life brighter by just being in it, but she's one of those kinds of people. Never a negative thing to say, and can turn anything positive. I want to be more like her. I really, truly do.
One thing about that though, I'll never be with my headbanging ways. But all the other ways, I sure can be! :)
Speaking of headbanging, I have quite the busy month ahead of me! :)
This month, well, next week actually, I'm meeting my friend Colette in Las Vegas. We're going to see Papa Roach at the Hard Rock. (Yay!) For those just meeting me, after Cruefest this summer, I had quite the obsession with Jacoby Shaddix (their singer). The trip was a complete fluke. I was talking to Colette, joking, and some how... we're going to Vegas now!
That's how most of our road trips came about though, one suggests. The other is all about it. So much, that both of us are so excited about it, that the only way to shut up about it, is just to go. That's how I've seen half the country, and how I ended up in Canada.
I'm really looking forward to that.
Also coming up...
Next month, Sevendust/Disturbed. That's January 21. I have to laugh, because I found out about that show when Kristian called me up and told me about it.
The really awesome thing about that one, I got to return the favor. Saving Abel/Papa Roach/Buckcherry/Avenged Sevenfold. January 28.
In all honesty, I'm very glad to be a part of the second show. I'm excited about the first one, don't get me wrong. It's just we'd been talking about Avenged for. ... well, since I've been talking to her! I used to LOVE Buckcherry. So much that I chased them all over the country. But I'm more excited to see Avenged. (I know there's a shorter way to write it, but I'm not the fan she is. Sorry, Kristian!)
And then we have Adele in there too. But she's going to be mellow. So mellow. It kind of makes me laugh to think how she's in the middle of those two.
For awhile there, I felt like I had stepped out of my body, and was just going through the motions. I was not feeling like myself by any means. But in the last month or so, I've been feeling more like me than I have in years. I can't begin to tell you how I'm so happy to be getting that back. I've missed all of these things about me. I hated being so down all the time, and being so ... negative. I hated that I hadn't felt like myself in YEARS.
But it seems to be coming back, and this makes me so happy! Not that I'm there, by any means, but ... I'm getting there. My love of music's coming back. I love concerts. More than anything else in the world, I love concerts. And for a long time, that had left. I know I blame the music scene I was involved in when I lived in Milwaukee, because there were some nasty people I'd been involved with. And I held onto that for much too long.
I didn't think I'd ever get this back, and it makes me feel ... so much better that it's back. I honestly can tell you that there's no way I'd ever be able to do it like I used to. In the car every weekend, going somewhere, to see someone. But... I'll enjoy what comes to me, that much I'll tell you. :) And Vegas isn't just about a concert. It's about seeing my best friend. We haven't hung out for a while, and ... I think we both need that. However, I have no desire to go to a club like she does! Two nights there, and that's not how I want to spend one of them.
Tomorrow's going to be an interesting day. Full moon. And I'm going to see that guy's band that's mentioned in my other blogs. The only part of the night I'm looking forward to is hanging out with my new friend. But I'm not looking forward to the rest. Which hopefully will end up meaning it's a great night. But the more I think about it, the more paranoid I'm getting. It's for the Utah Food Bank, and it occurred to me, that there are 2 men right off the bat there that are complete assholes, and just might start making comments when they see a girl my size come in. And if they do, that's just going to RIP my heart out. Not to mention, all the other drunk people I'll be around.
I'm just nervous now. It's my first night out to a bar since I've been here. To see smaller bands. I haven't done this since Milwaukee. And ... I'm worried. I'm a wussy in so many ways now, you have no idea.
Wish me luck, I am really sure I'm going to need it.
With that being said, it's time for me to get ready for work. See you tomorrow, and thanks for reading.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Working on it
I can honestly say that things are improving for me, and that I've finally begun to leave the negativity behind. Or at least I'm trying to. I'm nervous I admit.
Because Friday. Will be the first time I've ever been in the same vacinity as him. I'm confident that I'll be okay. Especially with a bottle of Absolut not so far off, but who the hell knows.
Not to mention, full moon.
Sigh. I'm nervous. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.
Because Friday. Will be the first time I've ever been in the same vacinity as him. I'm confident that I'll be okay. Especially with a bottle of Absolut not so far off, but who the hell knows.
Not to mention, full moon.
Sigh. I'm nervous. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Assuming
Assuming never gets us anywhere, now does it? I started out my day good, I've been working on crocheting all day. I've got three different projects in the works. Two of them are gifts, and I guess... the third one is too. I've decided that I'm working on a project for a homeless shelter. I'd like to make a bunch of blankets, but I don't know if I'll have the time to make a lot of those. Another thing I'm going to make are scarves. They're actually the only two things I know how to make. I worry about it, only because my arm. I've got tendinitis in my forearm, and it flares up when I'm working so much on this kind of thing. But I like to do it. It calms me.
But I took a break, and went looking around the internet. And I stumbled across something by accident. And I have to say, I'm pretty sure I hurt someone's feelings.
I'm pretty sure that he knows I didn't do to intentionally hurt feelings. In all actuality, I think it was more that I made him feel bad, therefore, his feelings were hurt with what I said to him. It wasn't bad by any means. No, it was me. Genuinely honest, and straight from the heart. I reread what I wrote, and honestly... it made me feel good that I was brave enough to say something once and for all.
And that's why I have been assuming all day. It hurt my heart. Literally, it felt like an ache. It passed, because I realized that I can't worry about how I made him feel. He didn't care how he made me feel, now did he?
But it's one of those things that makes me feel like... trust the gut feeling, and know that the closure will come. In time. Not today, or tomorrow... but in time. And I'm okay with that.
Kinda.
I sent another email today. It kind of surprised me actually. It was a man that I had met some time ago. I think it was 2003. When Josh Todd had his solo project. (I tell ya, I've been a Buckcherry fan for years, but this cd... beats all of them. Those boys were talented. They probably still are ;) ) I had attempted to contact his guitarist last year. I had thought he'd help me with a few issues I was having, when I got to town. It didnt' go so well, and I realized I was kind of a bitch to him.
So ... when I was going through one email account, and I actually found the email he sent me with his phone number... I wrote him an email. Actually, an apology.
Will he respond? No. But at least I'll feel better. I actually was listening to the Josh Todd cd today, with my headphones, and I realized how awesome that sounded. Those guys... got royally screwed by a lead singer with an ego. I love Josh, but damn... that whole thing just makes me look at him different. Even now.
I don't know what my point was. I just wanted to write somewhere... because... this whole thing is just baffling to me sometimes. And now's one of those times.
But I took a break, and went looking around the internet. And I stumbled across something by accident. And I have to say, I'm pretty sure I hurt someone's feelings.
I'm pretty sure that he knows I didn't do to intentionally hurt feelings. In all actuality, I think it was more that I made him feel bad, therefore, his feelings were hurt with what I said to him. It wasn't bad by any means. No, it was me. Genuinely honest, and straight from the heart. I reread what I wrote, and honestly... it made me feel good that I was brave enough to say something once and for all.
And that's why I have been assuming all day. It hurt my heart. Literally, it felt like an ache. It passed, because I realized that I can't worry about how I made him feel. He didn't care how he made me feel, now did he?
But it's one of those things that makes me feel like... trust the gut feeling, and know that the closure will come. In time. Not today, or tomorrow... but in time. And I'm okay with that.
Kinda.
I sent another email today. It kind of surprised me actually. It was a man that I had met some time ago. I think it was 2003. When Josh Todd had his solo project. (I tell ya, I've been a Buckcherry fan for years, but this cd... beats all of them. Those boys were talented. They probably still are ;) ) I had attempted to contact his guitarist last year. I had thought he'd help me with a few issues I was having, when I got to town. It didnt' go so well, and I realized I was kind of a bitch to him.
So ... when I was going through one email account, and I actually found the email he sent me with his phone number... I wrote him an email. Actually, an apology.
Will he respond? No. But at least I'll feel better. I actually was listening to the Josh Todd cd today, with my headphones, and I realized how awesome that sounded. Those guys... got royally screwed by a lead singer with an ego. I love Josh, but damn... that whole thing just makes me look at him different. Even now.
I don't know what my point was. I just wanted to write somewhere... because... this whole thing is just baffling to me sometimes. And now's one of those times.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Broken
You know that song, by Seether with Amy Lewis? I used to joke around that I liked broken people, until I realized... it's not joking when it's the truth.
I realized my last "crush" was because I had found him in a lot of ways, to be broken. I wanted answers to be able to let things go. Do I think he's broken anymore? No, but something tells me, he's not a very nice man if you don't fit into his catagories.
I could be wrong, after all, I only have assumptions to go on here. He could be perfect in every way.
(Shyeah.)
So, with that in mind, why does it still bother me that he's ignored me for a month? After all, it was only a crush. It wasn't like it was going to grow into this great romance. We were only supposed to go to the movies.
It's not normal to get that attached to someone you've never even met, is it? But looking back, it's what I've always done. It's always much easier to like someone you know realistically you don't have a chance with, even becoming friends with, because you've already set yourself up for rejection. And you know you're going to be rejected right from the start.
But this time, it wasn't like that. Because he actually said yes. And when he wanted to do stuff, he had picked the worst possible week EVER. And because of that... I'm being punished. My broken car. Missing each other on Saturday. It was just bad timing. But... now, I'm being punished.
After talking to a friend of mine, and her "obsession", I realize that I need to just let this go. But is it me, or do you find it harder to drop things if there's no closure to them too? I know that's the only reason I'm still thinking about it. Because I didn't get to explain that his email went into the junk box in my mail email, and I didn't find it there for a whole day. He thought I was blowing him off, so... yeah, I didn 't even get to explain that. All he knows is he said yes to me, and when it was arranged for a day, I blew him off.
Sucks when you can't explain yourself, and it is really something that simple. I guess the point is now... maybe he's not the broken one, maybe I've been the one broken through out the years. Knowing what I shouldn't do, so I do it anyway.
I don't know. I need to let it go, but... it's hard when I hear him five days a week. Sure, I could turn him off, but... no. No, I can't. He's been my source of entertainment for a year now. I can't turn him off.
I hate the drama I create within myself.
I realized my last "crush" was because I had found him in a lot of ways, to be broken. I wanted answers to be able to let things go. Do I think he's broken anymore? No, but something tells me, he's not a very nice man if you don't fit into his catagories.
I could be wrong, after all, I only have assumptions to go on here. He could be perfect in every way.
(Shyeah.)
So, with that in mind, why does it still bother me that he's ignored me for a month? After all, it was only a crush. It wasn't like it was going to grow into this great romance. We were only supposed to go to the movies.
It's not normal to get that attached to someone you've never even met, is it? But looking back, it's what I've always done. It's always much easier to like someone you know realistically you don't have a chance with, even becoming friends with, because you've already set yourself up for rejection. And you know you're going to be rejected right from the start.
But this time, it wasn't like that. Because he actually said yes. And when he wanted to do stuff, he had picked the worst possible week EVER. And because of that... I'm being punished. My broken car. Missing each other on Saturday. It was just bad timing. But... now, I'm being punished.
After talking to a friend of mine, and her "obsession", I realize that I need to just let this go. But is it me, or do you find it harder to drop things if there's no closure to them too? I know that's the only reason I'm still thinking about it. Because I didn't get to explain that his email went into the junk box in my mail email, and I didn't find it there for a whole day. He thought I was blowing him off, so... yeah, I didn 't even get to explain that. All he knows is he said yes to me, and when it was arranged for a day, I blew him off.
Sucks when you can't explain yourself, and it is really something that simple. I guess the point is now... maybe he's not the broken one, maybe I've been the one broken through out the years. Knowing what I shouldn't do, so I do it anyway.
I don't know. I need to let it go, but... it's hard when I hear him five days a week. Sure, I could turn him off, but... no. No, I can't. He's been my source of entertainment for a year now. I can't turn him off.
I hate the drama I create within myself.
Friday, October 10, 2008
It's Official
I've given up. I told myself I'd give it one more shot. That I did. And not even being acknowledged that I asked a question, I take that as a no. Which is fine. Honestly, I hate being ignored more than anything else. So, yeah. I give up. Not that I really expected anything. But... it would have been nice to just get it over and done with. I had these adrenaline highs for two weeks now, and when I ended up hitting the bottom, it was nothing but a low. And that was too much of a roller coaster for me.
It just makes me feel like such an idiot. Probably because it felt like so many other situations in my life through out the years. That right there should tell me to just let go. But, it's that old habit of giving a crap that really keeps me holding on. Or is it hope that it might be acceptance once and for all?
Yeah, the more I've been thinking about it, the more I think that's what it is exactly. I say I don't care, but I know what my heart feels like when I get rejected over and over again. I do care. And I hate it.
But ... it's another lesson I've learned, and need to pick myself up and dust myself off... AGAIN. It wasn't like this was going to be anything but hanging out. It wasn't a date. It wasn't going to be anything but hanging out. I know that, but I think I got so excited at the thought of having someone to go to the movies with .... Yeah, really, that's what it was.
But whatever. Officially done. I hope you never hear me talk about it again. I hope I never talk about it again. It will only remind me of how stupid I have been. Yet again.
If that makes any sense at all.
It just makes me feel like such an idiot. Probably because it felt like so many other situations in my life through out the years. That right there should tell me to just let go. But, it's that old habit of giving a crap that really keeps me holding on. Or is it hope that it might be acceptance once and for all?
Yeah, the more I've been thinking about it, the more I think that's what it is exactly. I say I don't care, but I know what my heart feels like when I get rejected over and over again. I do care. And I hate it.
But ... it's another lesson I've learned, and need to pick myself up and dust myself off... AGAIN. It wasn't like this was going to be anything but hanging out. It wasn't a date. It wasn't going to be anything but hanging out. I know that, but I think I got so excited at the thought of having someone to go to the movies with .... Yeah, really, that's what it was.
But whatever. Officially done. I hope you never hear me talk about it again. I hope I never talk about it again. It will only remind me of how stupid I have been. Yet again.
If that makes any sense at all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
